Ask Mad Myrtle

Q: Dear Myrtle,

I am a 37 year old man on my third marriage. My second lasted 9 years to the woman of my dreams. I thought everything was fine, when I discovered she had an affair towards the end. We divorced soon after, and I re-married a year later.

My problem is I am not happy with my new wife, and tried to get out of it before we even got married. She was in the process of building a house when we started living together and gave it up. I told her I did not want to re-marry so soon, but she made me feel quilty about giving up her home, and that she would not "shack-up" with me. I guess the feeling of being lonely was stronger than sticking to what I knew was right. Now I have been married for 2 1/2 years and miserable, missing my ex and the way I used to feel happy. I have discussed this with my current wife and she just changes the subject. I don't want to lose everything again to start over. HELP!!

Signed,
3rd Time's No Charm


A: Dear 3rd Time,
That's three strikes, dear. If life were baseball you'd be headed for the benches.

If your second marriage was so great, why was your then-wife cheating?

Can you blame your current wife for changing the subject? Of COURSE she doesn't want to hear how unhappy you are in this marriage, or how much you miss your CHEATING ex-wife.

Instead of wasting so much time and energy pining away for some 'dream wife' how about focusing some of that energy on making your current marriage work? Take a romantic weekend away, get dressed up and go dancing. Have long conversations over a bottle of wine and some candles. Get to know the woman you've married, instead of missing the one you divorced.

You might find that the REAL woman of your dreams is right under your nose.

Myrtle

Q: Dear Mad Myrtle,

I have a problem.

I have a boyfriend but he's away at school. I care about him a lot, but while he's gone I get lonely and go out with guy friends. Is this wrong?

He calls occasionally, like 4 times a week, but thats understandable because it's long distance.

I miss him so much, and I want us to be together, but I'm the type of person who likes to have attention from my partner. While he's gone what should I do?

Thanks,
Troubled

A: Dear Troubled,

Get a dog.

Myrtle

Once upon a time, many moons ago, I wrote a love advice column. A cranky, bitchy, no-holds-barred, no-punches-pulled love advice column.

Then I quit. I retired.

But I've since come to an important realization: retirement sucks.

So, I'm bringing it back. I'll be republishing my old columns and adding new ones as I get questions from you, my adoring public.

All questions are welcome. So is hate mail. If I don't piss off someone, I'm not doing my job.

So, here are the rules:

1. If you want to use a clever nickname like "Stupid in Seattle" or "Dumped Again", make it up yourself. I'm not your momma. And if you're dumb enough to use your real name to sign your message, I'll post it here. I'm not about protecting anybody.
   
2. Don't email me telling me you don't like the advice I gave you or someone else. This ain't a democracy. If you don't like the advice I gave you, shag off and go ask Dear Abby.
   
3. If I think you're making the whole thing up, I won't use your question. This isn't the Springer show.
   

Send your questions to askmadmyrtle@yahoo.com.


Love,
Myrtle